Random Thoughts about America

I see a nation consumed with endless varieties of entertainment, self-distraction, and self-gratification. America is a nation of penem et circircences, breads and circus. We have a sport for each season to keep us perpetually entranced from the sordid realities that confront us. All the while our country slowly atrophies from gross negligence and blithe indifference. Let us not mind the poor or the millions that cannot find work. Forget about the untold billions we waste defending ungrateful populations e.g. Afghanistan, Iraq, among many others. Don't worry about our aging infrastructure, our dilapidated public transportation system, lest of all our astronomical deficit. Instead let us stay transfixed with Obama's empty elocution, with meaningless games, and Hollywood movies that deaden senses.

-There are those hapless individuals that cling to the notion that party politics are still relevant and necessary in rectifying societal ills. They mistakenly put their principles behind corporate subsidized parties and self-interested politicians that only seek re-election. Only when we change our political system can true change be implemented.

-By its very nature democracy or rule by the people will inevitably fail in creating a humane, judicious, and prosperous society. The unwitting masses are without exception always blinded by the elitist demagogues that control them. So as long as democracy exists, nations will habitually focus on the wrong sort of problems. Healthcare is the red herring at hand.

A New Hope

I've overcome the depths of melancholy that I had felt over the past month. Living abroad teaches you so much about yourself and how to deal with internal self-created problems. Up until a couple weeks ago, as noted in recent blogs, I was suffering from a deep depression. I've experienced nothing quite like it in my entire life. Homesickness would be the most apt name for it. Yet it's one thing to experience it and another thing altogether to say you understand how it feels. Let it be written that much to my approval, I have conquered the woes I once faced, at least for now. Solving problems like homesickness here are incredibly more challenging than can be adequately explained. Nonetheless, I'll try and impart to you some of the knowledge I've attained. If you're homesick, you face a couple of problems. For starters, there's the language barrier. At times, you can get completely annoyed and frustrated at the inconvenience of doing simple things like asking 'what times is the last bus leaving'? I'm learning Korean yet there are always new phrases such as that one that are of practical use that I've yet to learn. Next if you have a problem, you can't console yourself with your friends like one might do back home. Back home you have a more intimate relationship with friends. If you have a problem you usually approach or deal with it in a different way. If you're feeling blue back at home you can ask a friend to watch a game, TV show, or movie with you to divert your low spirits. Maybe go to the beach, get some food, etc. Here, the few friends that you connect with are usually of similar backgrounds as you but at the same time they're still not quite your old college friends. You don't gel in the same type of way. Just as importantly there's the cultural/societal element involved. Like with home, you don't have the luxury of doing the same things you might otherwise to do solve your despair. In effect, you're forced to deal with your desolation often by yourself. This I'm glad to say is all past history. I've coped with where I am and am now the boundaries of my limitations. And for that I can honestly say I'm a stronger, more patient person. O the places you'll go and the things you'll learn! :) p.s. I wrote this while at home with H1N1 influenza so it may not the most thoroughly well thought out of my blogs

Musings of Home

These past few weeks, perhaps month have certainly been the most agonizing of times here. A deep melancholy angst has overcome me. The cause of which I do not know. Can it be Fall's onset and the approach of winter? This is the first time in my life where I can actually feel a noticeable difference in the weather. When I arrived the unfamiliar exoticness of the place seemed to cancel out the chilly temperatures or at least periodically distracted me from them. Also, going from winter to spring is not a bad transition while you're getting adjusted to a completely different culture. The retrogression into shorter colder days however is welcome only in the fact that autumn saves you from the irritating humidity of summer.

Aside from the weather I'm having to confront the more troubling uncertainty of my future. This I hate probably more than anything else- hell, it kept me from graduating college for so long! I do not know what I'll be doing come February and that scares and depresses me a great deal. The options currently only the table are as follows: a) I've just applied to graduate school to get an m.a. in international relations here- provided A, I get in of course, and B, the school gives me some sort of financial aid I really would like to do this b) I can teach another year again here- kind of apathetic/mildly interested in doing this another year right now; could be because I've been down lately, and lastly option c) I could come home and face the worst job market in oo I don't know fifty some odd years- always a compelling reason to come home. So in a nutshell that's what in store for me on paper.

And yet another reason I'm feeling like The Dude after getting his rug stolen is for the first time I'm homesick or maybe not homesick but more appropriately, 'friend-sick'- a term I brilliantly coined while writing this very blog (I'm a god damn genius sometimes, I really am). It'd be nice to watch some college football or maybe even just talk about football. The people that live around me either don't like football out of defective personalities or they're from a lousy country like Canada which you might argue are one and the same. I'd like to watch my alma mater try to compete with schools that seemingly recruit better maladjusted athletes yet have not much to offer other than lots of rain- the entire north west, smelly brainless hippies- again north west, fugly women- most of the schools except the Arizona ones or S fuckin C, people who are completely socially inept way past the point of amusement- Standford take a bow, grunge rock- Berkley on up, and or boiler plate schools masquerading as legitimate institutions of higher learning e.g. Oregon State or most of the Pac-10 for that matter. I'd also like to play some beer pong during the day against people who actually treat peer bong as if it actually mattered who wins and then beat them at it. Some real Mexican food cooked by immigrants of questionable legal status would be welcomed. Having a decent steak once in a while would be nice too. Yea... it's safe to say I miss home. Maybe I'll be over this in a month or two I don't know.....

The Fall Classic and other trifling matters

Fall has enveloped the Korean peninsula. The rice fields which blanket the countryside around me have tinged yellowish-green; it's quite a sight to see. The dearth of vegetation and trees still remaining have only partially begun to welcome autumn which is to say they're spattered with bits of yellow and green. The air has noticeably lost its merciless humidity thank G-d or thank goodness; divinity or not, I'm appreciative of the cooler weather. We're a month and a half into my second semester of teaching a language I, myself, am still trying to conquer. The novelty and some of the new found wonderment of teaching has wore off and with it has come the enduring task of facing a perpetually confounding reality. I'm taking a Korean language class at the nearby university and am slowly, agonizingly learning bits and pieces of a world which has long remained so damn elusive. Naturally it makes life a little more bearable when you can ask for more milk in your coffee or are actually able to discern the contents of the menu you're looking at. Yesterday, (Sunday) the history teacher at my school called me at about 10 in the morning to invite me to go to a Korean baseball game. In the reckless depravity of college, calling me at 10 in the morning would be an excellent way of hearing my voicemail. Now, my usual weekend mornings around town consists of getting up around 8:30-9:00. Walking down the street a couple minutes to the nearest 'restaurant' which specializes in making these toast egg-cheese sandwiches. They spread this sugary sauce on the wonder bread (to my constant dismay, you can't readily buy whole wheat bread in most places here) and you can get different things on the sandwich like ham, tuna, or the Korean favorite, bulgogi (beef sauteed with a special and completely overrated Korean sauce). I usually get just the standard egg-cheese (they use bon-fide American cheese btw) and sometimes when I'll feel a bit like a heathen I'll order it with ham. Anyway, I usually get one of these sandwich toast type things and read whatever book I happen to be reading at the time for an hour-two hours. I happened to be reading when I got invited to go to the baseball game. This game was the second I've attended but unlike the last one, this game was a playoff game. The atmosphere at Korean baseball games are pretty intense, at least the ones I've been to and they both been sellouts. If I said 'electric' that'd be the wrong and overused word so I think I'll just stick with intensely different to throw in an adverb for good measure. Nearly everyone has thunder-sticks and when your team is at bat your chanting pretty much the whole time. It's definitely a lot more participatory then American baseball (and not coincidentally, American democracy). Most of the chants are in English- big surprise there, which makes it easier for me to get into the merriment. The have ultra attractive cheerleaders that dance on top of the dug out in between innings- needless to say but this is obvious denigration to women and spectacle of promiscuity is certainly something the imperialist MLB should learn. The downside to all this was my team, the Doosan Bears ended up losing. The series is now tied 2-2 (best of five) and the winner of this game goes on to the Korean World Series (aaaaaaaaa oooooo!!) They play tomorrow night (Tuesday) at 5 should you might want to watch the Doosan Bears take on the SK Wyverns (it's a dragon type animal- I had no idea either just like when Weeks explained what a yeti was to me). Well, it's 10:42 and my bedtimes is nearing. Next time maybe I'll discuss whether I have seasonal depression (seasonal affective disorder), melancholic depression, or the much diagnosed manic depression in a special upcoming blog entitled- why the bleep have I been feeling so shitty lately?

As long as I could remember I've never struggled to make or find new friends. Ascending each class all the way from grade school to university, I've always found myself hanging out with the 'popular crowd', or at least, the self-confident sport playing, half-hazard experimental type. Popularity and self-assurance seem to be a ubiquitous pair in the manner of insecurity and meekness. Despite having more attributes of the latter, I've continually 'fit in' or have been accepted- whatever that means. In Korea however, I have few people that are worthy of calling friends. My dearth of friends stems not from opportunity- ironically I live in a small 'rural' (by Korean standards not ours) community called, Shinchang, that is the epicenter where virtually all of the English teachers in the region live. Collectively, there are probably 50-60 'foreigners' living throughout my apartment complex which consists of nine high rise apartment buildings. A friend and I derisively call the people that live around here the 'Star Trek convention' for all the eccentric oddballs that happened to congregate in this part of the Korean peninsula. Being a newly minted twenty-five year old I'm actually quite young vis-a-vi most of the other foreigners. If I had to place a median age for the people living here it'd probably be around thirty-five. If only you had a chance to meet some of the neurotic characters that live around here. A psychologist would have a field day diagnosing all the sundry neuroses. Most of the people that I've met in our town and Korea come to here to teach English because of some sort of problem or insecurity back at home. They sort of fled or escaped in way. Only the honest ones will actually admit this. Naturally everyone says they're here because they love to travel or they came here to pay off their college loans- you can save at least a grand a month if you don't travel and live penuriously (I don't btw). Truth be told though, that's only the official convenient reason why people come. Many come here because they were the ones that were never included back at home; euphemistically you could say they're the loners or the introverts; I would label them, the dorks, tools, douchebags, etc. Whatever the case may have been these people graduate college totally devoid of meaning or direction and decide to come to Korea. Was I a part of this group you may ask? I don't think so, at least, not in terms of being a social outcast or Holden Caulfield type (Catcher in the Rue main character). Another group which I flippantly confess I'm apart, of came to Korea because they have a thing for Asian women and depressingly, probably came up on the short end of the stick when it came to getting laid. Like a couple others I thought surrounding myself with a race I find quite sexually appealing would be a fine idea. So far, I haven't been disappointed. When someone asks me why I came here, provided its within the realm of propriety to tell them the truth, I tell them the truth rather blatantly. 'Came here for the beautiful women'. When I say this people usually chuckle nervously and gently try to move the conversation elsewhere out of fear that I'm a perverse sexual deviant or are simply disinterested in talking about my erotic escapades. Next you have another type of person who came to Korea for some really dramatic reason e.g. rape, latent homosexuality, acute delusional psychosis and loss of reality itself. The vast majority of women here I'm sorry to say, are here because they nearly have to pay for sex back at home. Yea, they're generally not your cheerleader, sorority dunce types. A friend of mine told me a Korean thought all foreign women are overweight. A completely understandable observation made by this Korean seeing that a plurality of them here indeed are.

The people living in my town are as eclectic as they are bizarre. I'll try and describe some of them if I can. We have this one middle-aged Australian guy who even my good friend whose Australian says, he's Australian as they come. On the wagon, he has a pretty thick accent but when he gets drunk and rest assured, he often does, becomes completely incomprehensible. On top of this he speaks to everyone like he's speaking to his best mate back in the bush which is to say he uses Australian colloquialisms that only crocodile Dundee would understand. If you're lucky he'll tell stories of him sodomizing transvestites in Thailand. One night after the bars I had the unfortunate task of escorting him home and he tried coming on to me; needless to stay that left me stupefied beyond belief for the next week or so. The next day I told my friend about what transpired that night and learned that apparently he has tried successfully or not to come on to nearly every male or female in our town. As one might imagine this only happens when he's inebriated. Next we have a upper-twenties Kiwi (New Zealander for all you yanks that don't know) who came to Korea in order to teach English and pursue her 'rock-star' aspirations. That's right, rock-star like Bonjovi (incidentally a favorite of hers). Literally, within an hour of meeting her she invariably drags her wanting to become a rock-star somewhere into the conversation. I emphasize 'rock-star' because for some reason that's what she wants to become; not a musician or singer song writer but a sex, drugs, and rock n roll crazed rock-star. Now granted I'm not a psychologist, hell, I haven't even taken a psych class in college but she definitely has 'delusional psychosis' tattooed across her forehead. She's in a band made up of other foreigners (teachers). One night I felt like wasting my time so I went to see her band perform. She's the lead singer of course, and as fate would have it she's the definition of sub-par mediocrity. Forgot to mention her looks. When you're eight beers down she's mildly attractive if you're totally desperate. I'm not, thankfully. My friends and I try and avoid long conversations with her just so we don't have to incessantly hear about her wanting to become a rock-star. My friend was spot on when he said, that she's one of those people that have watched the movie, 'The Secret' way too many times. A fitting analogy would be those people that believe anything at all costs- reason or reality be damned; I suppose you could call them fundamentalists. It'd be like if you're jogging on the 405 at 3:30 in the morning and you believe you're not going to get hit by a car because you will yourself not to do so. Last time I spoke to her we were discussing our future plans. After asking what her plans were she replied, 'I'm gong to teach in Korea if I don't get signed by a major record label to do a European tour' (mind you we're in the middle of nowhere in Korea).

Today was a pretty typical Tuesday. I went through my usual routine; the alarm clock on my cell phone woke me up at 7:20 am. Unless I've go to bed at a really late time or drink (which I rarely do anymore, especially on weekdays), getting up at that time is not such a huge pain. In fact, getting up early in the morning here has been more of a welcome delight than a chore. I suppose that means I enjoy what I'm doing here? Trying to get me up at that time during my formative years i.e. college years and I would've most likely turned off my alarm with only the faintest of regrets over not having attended a class for the umpteenth straight day. To this day I still wonder what caused my lack of motivation during my last couple years in college. Was it my major? Surely, studying 2,000 Greek literature isn't always going to be the most entertaining of subjects. It wasn't always like that though. Initially I found the world of Homer, Virgil, and Ovid to be.. mysterious, and a sign of ones erudition. I still love Greek tragedies- Lately, I'm starting to find more comfort in tragic endings in the novels that I read then happy ones. Is that morose? Wonder what that says about my psyche? Anyway, as college went on, somewhere down the line I just floundered along in my studies. To say I regret this is only half true because the other part of me says, 'amor fati, learn from the past, self-reproach is a waste time'. Then again, maybe it had nothing to do with my major at all. Perhaps it was the poisoning of my body seemingly every other night for no good or even border line intelligent reason. Youthful folly is a lovely apologist euphemism for being complete dumb ass. I'm sure you've heard the saying 'hindsight is always 20/20'. Well maybe that's the case, but I happen to think hindsight is more like 20/10 with things as trivial and meaningless of the things I've done. If I haven't told you already, I'm in the process of applying to a couple graduate schools out here in Korea. Of course, I had to write a personal statement which I did. I sent my personal statement to one of my professors so that he could write a more thorough letter of recommendation for me. Being the gracious person that he is, he wrote me a letter of rec. and edited my personal statement without my request. Naturally, one of the things I avoided in my essay was explaining (I'd say rationalizing) my mediocrity during the last couple years. The professor whom wrote my letter of rec. openly pointed out why I had not written about my 'failure to apply myself'. To my dismay however, I cannot think of any intelligent equivocation or specious defense of why my GPA went from a 3.46 to a 3.0 during the latter three years of college. I want to re-rewrite my personal statement with an eloquent speech, 'don't mind my last couple years of college- I only pissed away a fairly strong GPA and landed in a puddle of academic malaise. I really do want to re-rewrite it this way but I don't have the vaguest notion of how to do so?..

After reading over this entry I've noticed that my aim starting out was to tell you about my 'typical Tuesday' yet I ending up rambling on about my woes as a student. I'm sure if you've been following my blog you aren't the least bit surprised I interpolated another one of my half-baked observations. My intention throughout my blog thus far will be to find out whether or not I can eventually write myself out of my facetious digressions and ostensibly pointless musings.

Absalom Absalom

I am completely stupefied on what to write in this blog anymore. Out of genuine concern for my life or perhaps just as a conversation 'filler', friends from home often ask, 'Zeke', 'tell me stories about Korea'. This question utterly plagues me to a where I have no discernible clue how I should answer. I've been in Korea long enough to where I'm used to babies staring at me; I've become used to sitting in the teachers office while other teacher's carry on conversations that I will never understand; I've become used the irrational xenophobia and unceasing hospitality. I've become used to it all. I'd venture to say that six months or so is the point in which novelty turns into the blase. I'm thinking that human beings can adapt or get worn down by anything. Whether a person lives in an exotic wonderland or dwells in the belly of a coal mine, a person, eventually, will get used to it and treat it as home. In the movie, The Shawshank Redemption, the character Red, played by Morgan Freeman, notably describes the process known as institutionalism whereby the characters in the film, 'come to love the walls that surround them'. Granted, my comparisons of prison and life here in Korea are a bit outlandish even extraneous but my point is that most of my life has now morphed into a strange duplicitous relationship of frustration and resignation. Many if not all foreigners that have been here a while are disdainfully irked about certain aspects of Korean society and culture that don't easily conform to their own 'rational' based societies; A favorite pastime of teachers here is the denigration of how 'odd' certain things are here. Some teachers usually talk about teaching here as if it were a tour of duty. For instance, 'wait until you're here three years and then talk to me about such and such pet peeve. It pisses me off when I hear teachers grumbling like they've attained some high and mighty status because they voluntarily choose to stay here.

Lately, school life has become a fairly predictable affair; most days are still filled with the regular joy accompanied with the cult like celebrity status I still exude. Other parts of the day I find myself in class just as bored and confused as to why I'm here as the students are.