Musings of Home

These past few weeks, perhaps month have certainly been the most agonizing of times here. A deep melancholy angst has overcome me. The cause of which I do not know. Can it be Fall's onset and the approach of winter? This is the first time in my life where I can actually feel a noticeable difference in the weather. When I arrived the unfamiliar exoticness of the place seemed to cancel out the chilly temperatures or at least periodically distracted me from them. Also, going from winter to spring is not a bad transition while you're getting adjusted to a completely different culture. The retrogression into shorter colder days however is welcome only in the fact that autumn saves you from the irritating humidity of summer.

Aside from the weather I'm having to confront the more troubling uncertainty of my future. This I hate probably more than anything else- hell, it kept me from graduating college for so long! I do not know what I'll be doing come February and that scares and depresses me a great deal. The options currently only the table are as follows: a) I've just applied to graduate school to get an m.a. in international relations here- provided A, I get in of course, and B, the school gives me some sort of financial aid I really would like to do this b) I can teach another year again here- kind of apathetic/mildly interested in doing this another year right now; could be because I've been down lately, and lastly option c) I could come home and face the worst job market in oo I don't know fifty some odd years- always a compelling reason to come home. So in a nutshell that's what in store for me on paper.

And yet another reason I'm feeling like The Dude after getting his rug stolen is for the first time I'm homesick or maybe not homesick but more appropriately, 'friend-sick'- a term I brilliantly coined while writing this very blog (I'm a god damn genius sometimes, I really am). It'd be nice to watch some college football or maybe even just talk about football. The people that live around me either don't like football out of defective personalities or they're from a lousy country like Canada which you might argue are one and the same. I'd like to watch my alma mater try to compete with schools that seemingly recruit better maladjusted athletes yet have not much to offer other than lots of rain- the entire north west, smelly brainless hippies- again north west, fugly women- most of the schools except the Arizona ones or S fuckin C, people who are completely socially inept way past the point of amusement- Standford take a bow, grunge rock- Berkley on up, and or boiler plate schools masquerading as legitimate institutions of higher learning e.g. Oregon State or most of the Pac-10 for that matter. I'd also like to play some beer pong during the day against people who actually treat peer bong as if it actually mattered who wins and then beat them at it. Some real Mexican food cooked by immigrants of questionable legal status would be welcomed. Having a decent steak once in a while would be nice too. Yea... it's safe to say I miss home. Maybe I'll be over this in a month or two I don't know.....